The Politburo Diktat

Who Did the Wonkette Know and When Did She know her?

Ana Marie Cox responded to the following as "wrong, high [on drugs], but very imaginative." It probably is.

I'll leave it up, but to be read as questions and coincidences only. The idea of a joint, wholly fabricated, planned conspiracy between the two of them is unlikely.
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WONKETTE KNEW!!! COMMISSAR EXCLUSIVE!!! MUST CREDIT COMMISSAR!!! THE WONKETTE- WASHINGTONIENNE CONNECTION!!!

KGB investigation of double agents, led by Intrepid Inside Beltway KGB Operative, INDC Bill, leads to these questions and coincidences.

1) Jessica Cutler and Wonkette both worked for National Geographic. At different dates, but Plutocrat Grosvenor network is extensive.

2) Within two days of being outted by Wonkette (losing her job, being exposed to the world, upsetting any current relationships, etc.), Jessica was absolute best friends with Ana Marie Cox. Whatever visions of sugar-plum book deals may have danced in her head, wouldn't she be a little distant toward a stranger who had thus intruded on her life? Supposedly not, she was very comradely and very blase:

Washingtonienne: Hello? Wonkette? This is the Washingtonienne!

Wonkette: Hi!

Washingtonienne: [Laughs]

Wonkette: You certainly are in good spirits.

Washingtonienne: Oh, this whole thing is so two days ago for me.
...

Washingtonienne: Well, I've been fired. ... it's no First Amendment issues, more like I've been using Federal equipment. I feel bad for the guy in my office. He walked into my office with a hard copy of your post, and I was like, OK, I know it's over for me here.

Wonkette: I'll say. You're really handling this well.
...
Wonkette: I just can't get over how you're handling this.

Washingtonienne: Well, it's out of my control. I can't do anything about it now. They terminated me today, so now I can try to explain things. And, hey, I've been acting like it's a day off. I'm doing errands. If it had been sunny, I'd have been trying to get a tan.

Read the whole thing. Jessica sounds so ... unsurprised.

3) Jessica's blog was first dated May 5. Within two weeks, Wonkette found it; "someone sent me a link," she says. It is very unusual for a blog to be discovered in such a short time. Blogs known only to the author and a few friends are essentially invisible, "hiding in plain sight." Could the "someone" have been Jessica herself, thus technically true, but wholly misleading?

4) The day after the blog started, Jessica supposedly began her affair with married RS, which immediately proceeded apace to near daily sex. Some affair. Not commenting on the morality, just the logistics and timing. Did RS ever have to make any excuses to his wife? (Update: Apparently not; Calico Cat says RS is divorced.)

Jessica wrote "a week into our relationship, and we already have a routine," referring to near-daily sex. It could happen, but all within two weeks, bracketed by the start of her blog and its discovery by Wonkette?

The whole "I'm fucking six guys, but there are seven days in a week," idea seems exaggerated.

5) Ass-fucking. Wonkette's favorite sex act. And ... an anonymous blog suddenly appears, not merely devoted to sex ---
not just Washington DC sex,
nor Washington DC sex-for-money,
nor just Republican Capital Hill sex-for-money,
but ... Republican Capital Hill ass-fucking sex-for-money!

Chyort! Is small (but anonymous, unrelated, and coincidental) world!

6) The events of 5/18, as reported, can be summarized thus:

- 8AM - Jessica Cutler is totally unknown.
- mid-AM - Wonkette posts Washingtonian, headlined, "She's So-ooo Getting a Book Deal out of this." (Just in case no one understood. Is called 'laying groundwork.')
- 2PM - JC posts final, incriminating $400 lunch post. Her boss is asking questions, apparently already has hard copy of Wonkette's post. Within two hours, "someone" has read Wonkette's blog, researched the characters, identified Jessica, gotten the word to her boss, a copy has been printed, and Jessica has been confronted. Khorosho! Too bad these resources had not mobilized on 9/11 to shoot down second airplane.

- 3?PM - Jessica, knowing her job is over, heads for the door, pausing only long enough to delete her blog, while Wonkette, apparently having the blog on 'permanent instant reload,' immediately updates with "Washingtoniene blog appears to be busted/pulled down/a figment of my imagination." Last explanation is very good, da?

7) The posting of "faux lez" pics of W twins is similarly obscure. Wonkette says, "it wasn't spontaneous. we totally were giggling and saying, wouldn't it be hilarious if we pretended we were flirting with each other?"

Then Wonkette "uploaded the pix to our server on sunday, and was
thinking about posting them, but decided not to. however, unbeknownst to me, our recent server issues had left our images directory open to the public, and anyone could see them if they typed in www.wonkette.com/images. they made their way to craigslist and from there, the other blogger. (who i don't know from adam)."

Another in endless series of anonymous, coincidental, inadvertent, but nonetheless, blindlingly fast, developments.

I missed the chummy pics of Monica Lewinsky doing belly shots with Linda Tripp, that Linda uploaded, decided not to post, but accidentally left there for Ken Starr to find and post on HIS site.

8) During the anonymous period of Jessica's blog, she mentioned/linked to Wonkette twice.

9) In latest post, Jessica says she turned down an interview offer for $20,000, and will only be granting interviews with Wonkette. Being a girl who knows what it's worth to open up ("Not a cent less than $425, Mr. X."), why is Jessica giving it up now, but only to Ana Marie?

Note that Wonkette describes this email from Jessica as: "The first in an occasional series of updates from Washington's most recent temptress in a teapot." When run thru KGB-Blog translator/encoder, this actually says, "Come back early and often, kids, and click on my advertisers, mkay?"

KGB concludes that these two are double agents, and their "confidential reports" should be discounted.

Now Commissar must return to his viewing of special edition, digitally enhanced, pixelatedly magnified, with recreated audio, DVD of the Zapruder film.

Update: Calico Cat notes a story about Jessica having an imaginary boyfriend in high school.

Rusty Shackleford notes the Penthouse Forum-like style of Jessica's blog.

Posted by Commissar at May 27, 2004 02:00 PM