December 21, 2003
Gandalf the Unilateral
The Commissar took the Young Pioneer to see Lord of the Rings last night. Khorosho, but that Gandalf the White ("GW") was evil one, da?
His illegal, immoral invasion of Mordor was typical. He is "all hat and no magic," so arrogant riding on big white horse. Who he think he is? Never bothered to get authorization from White Council for his war on Mordor.* Never even tried to get Sarumance on board. And Sarumance ended up vetoing his plan at the White Council.
Never proved to me that Sauron actually had the Ring of Mass Destruction. It seems to Commissar that GW and HIS side are only ones that actually USED Ring of Mass Destruction. Why not GW give up HIS Rings of Mass Destruction, huh? Now that would have been fair!
How about GW's poodle, that Aragorn, still dreaming of lost Gondrish Empire? He probably remembering good old days, when "Sun Never Sets on Gondrish Empire." Did you catch scene of him sitting around campfire, singing, "Rule Anduril. Anduril rules the waves!" At least Aragorn could give a proper Elvish speech. Only thing going for GW's "Coalition of the Middling."
And calling it "Coalition" was big joke. Vast majority of soldiers from one country. The rest, a bunch of elves, dwarves, shirefolk, micronesians that GW arm-twisted or bribed with big parties to join in. Him and his "shock-and-awe" fireworks.
Producers made big hero out of woman soldier, the one with blond hair. Ha! She made wrong turn on road to Minas Tirith. That's all. But GW's propaganda machine made her into big hero, "Slew King of Nazgul herself." Bah! I bet she never even drew sword.
Notice how movie ended with Fall of Sauron's Tower? Nothing at all about the reconstruction of Mordor. And everybody knows that's the hard part. GW's whole approach completely disregarded cultural norms of the Orcs, and HOOmiliated them frequently. Just going to make Orcs angrier, "Now GW defeated us AGAIN in another war. Is great HOOmiliation." How about all the Orc civilian casualties? Never saw those.
Movie was khorosho, but Commissar likes more fantasy type movie, not just propaganda like this. Did enjoy Robert Fisk's review, "After movie let out, I fell in with a bunch of Orcs, and they beat me up. And I don't blame them; I would have beaten myself up, too."
*Re: lack of White Council approval, to those who did not read book: "You could look it up."
UPDATE: The Portuguese version, by Sir McWendell
Posted by Commissar at December 21, 2003 08:13 AM
Is also interesting, Dahlink, how they assumed Sauron killed in fall of tower, but did not find DNA ewidence to support conclusion. Is possible, therefore, that Comrade Sauron lives in wild mountains of Mordor and continues struggle against imperialists.
I am sure vill be hearink of palantir broadcasts from Sauron for months to come, ho ho!
Extracted from: Natasha Fatale at December 21, 2003 09:02 AMMolodyets! Otlichno!
Extracted from: NTodd at December 21, 2003 01:31 PMLet's talk about the role of Numenor in propping up Sauron after the so-called "Dark Years". Let's talk about Gondorian arrogance toward the Woses. Let's talk about crippling economic sanctions against Near and Far Harad. Let's talk about illegal Gondorian "settlements" in Ithilien. Besides, I have it on good authority from the Mouth of Sauron that the so-called Last Coalition is nowhere near the Vale of Udun! This is racist, genocidist, colonialist Gondorian imperialistism!
Hey hey! Ho ho! Racist, genocidist, colonialist Gondorian imperialistism has got to go!
Extracted from: Ghost of a flea at December 21, 2003 01:35 PMCommissar,
I love you! You've made my day! :-D
Extracted from: Sir McWendell at December 21, 2003 04:25 PMHow dare you high and mighty liberals accuse GW and the Gondorians of unilateralism. Several Uruk-hai and Morgul Orc bands held demonstrations where we burnt the white hand, lidless eye, and toppled several statues hailing our freedom but the palantirs never broadcast those. All those pro-Denethor anti-Numenorian liberals who inhabit Gondor and Rohan never cover us. They'd have you think the whole bleeding vale of Mordor is inhabited with Orc cells ambushing at will. Its only actually a small triangle around Barad-Dur that is still dangerous.
Someone owes GW and Aragorn a big apology from your people.
Da!! Outstanding review comrad!
Extracted from: The Bartender at December 22, 2003 01:47 AMIt gets worse, Sauron not only did not have possession of the "Ring of Power", this ring was actually taken into Mordor by some of GW's agents. And look at what happened when the Mouth of Sauron confronted GW about the spies he sent into the sovereign land of Mordor. (I'm going by the book, I haven't seen the movie yet, but I know it leaves out key facts. Pure propoganda.) The Mouth of Sauron tried diplomacy, and GW's crew rejected him out of hand. That war could have been prevented.
Aragorn was installed by Gandalf. "Selected, not elected." Theoden wasn't elected, either, and he's one of our allies on "The War on Mordor". Where's that moral clarity, again?
Michael Moore made a statement after the Fall of Sauron's Tower, that there "weren't a lot of Men of Gondor in there".
It's all about the mithril.
Commissar,
Read blog entry.
Do not forget, comrade, whole war started because Gondorian Tree dying. Whole war diversion from real problems in the Stewardship dictatorship. Containment of Sauron would have worked, the gate was built not to keep men out, but Sauron in. REMEMBER THAT.
Sauron not dead; Sauron not loose, according to rumor. G Dub (Gandalf, not George) has Sauron locked away in secret to be paraded in front of Gondorian state dominated media for politcally advantageous moment.
I enjoyed Moore's new book, "Dude, Where's My Kingdom?" and am looking forward to the movie, "Bowling for Ithilien".
Let's not forget that Gandalf also had to throw King Theoden around the room before securing Rohan's support for his "Crusade".
Extracted from: Bill McCabe at December 22, 2003 06:24 PMI hate you ruin your fantasy, but you've got it all backwards. It was Sauron who said to his minions, "They've got WMDs. . .er, a magic ring, so we have to go beat it out of them." The orcs, being skeptical, replied, "We don't believe you," and demanded proof. So Sauron sent his most favoured Nazgul to convince them. This Nazgul told the orcs that he had proof that Gondor had bought the ring from the Shire and could deploy it against Mordor on 45 minutes notice. So the orcs said okay and marched to war.
Extracted from: Robert McClelland at December 22, 2003 08:59 PMOh, be quiet, Vormtongue!
Extracted from: Natasha Fatale at December 23, 2003 08:28 AMThis is to Robert:
So all those cheering Iraqis, hearing the news of the fall of Saddam's regime in April, and all the cheering again when Saddam was arrested... they should just shut up , eh?
In you blog entries you make a lot of comments about innocent Iraqis being killed. This would seem to indicate that you love the Iraqi people, and are upset at this military operation, for their sake. I wonder, have you talked to the Iraqis themselves? Even some expatriates? What do they say when you say "I wish Saddam was still in power."?
Those with the most legitimate reasons to oppose Iraqi Freedom are the soldiers and Iraqis, and they overwhelmingly supported it. Soldiers are re-enlisting in huge proportions. (I'm sure you have a ready leftist spin for that.)
In another entry you disparage Zeyad, a man who has suffered to an extent you can scarcely imagine. HE knows what pain is, what loss is. He also knows that there are fates worse than death, and Saddam and sons put many Iraqis through that: watching their daughters and wives raped, then tortured and killed.
Do you honestly think you have a right to sit in judgment and self-righteous criticism of him?
Do you honestly think you're better than him?
I think your professed love and concern for the Iraqis is pretense and hypocrisy.
You hate them: much as Hitler died hating the Germans for not defending the Reich, you hate the Iraqis for not destroying the Americans. You hate them for accepting the gift of liberation from Saddam. You hate them for cheering. You hate them for cooperating with reconstruction.
You hate Zeyad for being human and flawed, but even more for communicating with >gasp
Extracted from: William Pitt at December 23, 2003 12:47 PMTo Robert, part II:
...a Republican. AS though he would care what that means, after all he's been through. You think he gives a crap about US politics? You think he sees opposition to high taxes as a reason to eschew Jarvis?
Is there any hope that one day you might look on your fellow man as a human being, instead of a political entity to be rejected and hated or accepted on the basis of ideology?
I think your heart is corrupted by a sick, bestial hatred, as evidenced by your comments throught your blog. I hope one day you can escape the grip of this choking venom and become fully human.
>I think your heart is corrupted by a sick, bestial hatred, as evidenced by your comments throught your blog. I hope one day you can escape the grip of this choking venom and become fully human.
And I think you are a rube who thinks the problems of the world are going to be solved by a bunch of bloggers and their mental masterbations. Grow up rube.
Extracted from: Robert at December 23, 2003 05:02 PM>Oh, be quiet, Vormtongue!
Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled brow. Can't you see what your malcontent, your warmongering. . .hey, that's not right.
Too bad Sauron didn't have any lines in the movies. I'm sure though, that he would have labelled Gondor, Rohan and Rivendale as the axis of evil if he did.
Extracted from: Robert McClelland at December 23, 2003 05:05 PMNo war for magical relics! Down with the Ent-hugging imperialists!
Extracted from: Alan K. Henderson at December 24, 2003 11:06 AMAragorn is under a tainted regime anyways. He was selected, not elected. He stole the throne from Boromir. I also heard a theory that Aragorn had prior knowledge that Boromir was going to be attacked by the orcs and didn't warn him so he could take the throne.
Extracted from: Phelps at December 24, 2003 11:27 AMCommissar funny indeed. Hope he live til fourth age.
Extracted from: P Murgos at December 25, 2003 11:35 PMi love gandalf as a wizard
Extracted from: joseph at January 2, 2004 01:26 AMi want to sex with jhon mark
Extracted from: joseph at January 2, 2004 01:28 AM
