American sports: still not gay
At least according to Ace of Spades:
1) Soccer: still gay. … [blah blah blah] … Like I said: Gay. At least in golf they wear cool pants.
Not like American football, where they have 200 players on the roster, special teams for every conceivable situation, and special positions, like the “Long Snapper.” Oh yeah, very manly, Ace, that “Long Snapper,” who I supposed is called in with the “fourth and long, down by less than five points, late in the game, poor field position, punting” special team.
And soccer players, are just too short. Real he-men need Gheorghe Muresan:
Another thing, those damn furriner soccer players, they’re not hefty enough.
We want Gilbert Brown, all 350 pounds:
Any real sport requires padding, lots and lots of it, and then some extra protective for your padding. Just shinguards - gay!
And another thing that sucks about soccer is that it’s low scoring. Real athletes score at least 370 points in a game.
“Did you see Thomas’ 37th basket? Awesome! … No, you mean his 38th basket, that one was really awesome!!! … No, no, no, you guys, I know basketball, and it was his 39th basket that was most memorable.”
One more thing about soccer that is totally gay … those games are too short. Really, if I want to see a heterosexual sport, I want it to go on for about 8 hours. Really, I want the game to go on so long, that I have to come back the next day to see it finish.
Just think, if we had basketball games that ran for 8 hours, they could score about 1500 points per game. Woot!
Anyway, we always have our extremely non-gay golf pants to fall back on.
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