Mystery Solved
Why MoDo doesn’t need men …
Always on the lookout for revolutionary technical developments, the Commissar’s informants stumbled across this new iPod accessory launching in Britain, a toy of an adult variety that will vibrate to the beat of the song currently playing on the ipod. Few things in this world that are really shocking, but this one made the Commissar’s epaulettes stand on end.
TPD readers will note a viewer discretion advised disclaimer. Slightly NSFW. The Commissar was able to arrange a brief interview with an iBuzz purchaser.
Commissar: “So Jillian V., of Jillian Victoria’s Playpen, a noted Kiddie & Daddy Day-Care in London’s East End, how do like your new iPod Love Honey?”
Jillian: Forgive me.. I’m listening to Bob Marley and I think I lost my better discretion to the secondhand wafting out of the speakers…
Jillian: “It’s all the buzz Commissar!”
Jillian: Puts out great Audi-Oh!
Commissar: We may be approaching a Groucho Marx moment here, comrades. …
Commissar: “Well, Jillian, you certainly do seem to be getting good use of it? But Jillian, would you mind removing your iBuzz for a minute?
Jillian: uh … uh .. uh .. Whah?
Commissar: Is your satisfaction guaranteed?”
Jillian: … Hm.. well Commissar, I’d give it a “Blow through a dozen AA batteries a week” rating … That is, taking into consideration a 40 hour work week.
Jillian: Are we done now? Marley’s “Rastaman Vibration” is up next. You know the Carolina Panther cheerleaders love that one.
Commissar: If I might … Do you take it to work? Any complaints from co-workers on that? “Oh, that moaning inthe next cubicle? Pay no attention …
Jillian: “Oh no, Commissar! My boss says I’ve been putting out a positive vibe all week! That’s just Jillian and Marley … both of ‘em Wailers”
Commissar: Describe the iBuzz for the readers of The Politburo Diktat. Being mostly Commies, geeks, newsies, all this is a bit new to us. I see it’s based on an iPod … and … it has what else?
Jillian: Well Commissar … It’s rather like a washing machine that holds a tune.. but tiny, portable, and sleek!
Commissar: Do you ever loan it to friends?
Jillian: “No,.. I have a scorched earth policy with my more up close and personal iPod accessories..”
Commissar: Speaking of scorched earth, I understand that Maureen Dowd is writing an article about her iBuzz, …
Jillian: Some person called Wankette ordered some I hear, but she asked for a special color order. Wanted them in brown. A brown iBuzz? Really chav, no?
Jillian: This seems a bit different for your blog. Soon you’ll have readers saying “The Commissar changed my sex life!” Or they’ll just stop reading entirely, figuring this to be your latest hobby-horse.
Commissar: How do they market it in Britain?
Jillian: They have some great tag lines: “Blame it on Jamaica Bob!”
“Buy some stock in energizer.”
“Keep your bunny hopping.”
“Celebrate Guy Fawkes’ Day with IBuzz!”
Commissar: Thank you, Jillian, of Jillian Victoria’s Playpen. We will be looking forward to more of your insights on technology, gadgets, music, etc.
Update: A late entry to the MoDo and her shoes caption contest: “No,.. that isn’t her shoe purring… it’s MoDo, iBuzzing to Cat Scratch Fever.“
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